Friday, February 17, 2012

No Man's Land

I am in post-partum no man's land.

It is a perilous time, defined by the following criteria:
  • one's maternity jeans are entirely too large to wear anymore, yet pre-pregnancy jeans, while technically fitting, produce an unseemly muffin top (unseemly!)
  • pre-pregnancy weight has been achieved, and yet somehow, through some bizarre suspension of mathematical and physical principals, one is nowhere NEAR one's pre-pregnancy shape
  • dressing one's self in the morning is a treacherous procedure, filled with multiple attempts to wear clothes that one KNOWS are not quite wearable yet, peppered with small bouts of self-loathing, and ending in yet ANOTHER black shirt & jeans combo, as black most effectively conceals the muffin top as well as the inevitable spit-up blotches and leaky milk stains.
Send in a rescue party! I'm stuck in here! There are emotional landmines everywhere! And my Jillian Michael's DVDs don't get here until next week! I'm running out of black tops! And I REFUSE to buy jeans one size up! I fear I would just allow myself to wear them foreverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

(There is no picture to accompany this post.  OBVIOUSLY.)


  1. Yoga pants. Did you know that Soffe who made our beloved lounging shorts in college makes a fold-over yoga pant? $13.99 at Dick's. The top is especially handy for folding UP as necessary.

  2. Hang in there Rachel!! I feel like I could have written this post myself. One of life's greatest mysteries truly has to be how can I weigh the same and yet be a COMPLETELY different shape?! You are not alone and I'm super impressed youre already back to your pre-preg weight in just a few short months. Pat yourself on the back lady! you deserve it!!

  3. You are so funny, seriously I had no idea! I'm sorry to say the muffin top doesn't go away quite so easily the second time.

  4. You are hilarious!! Go to the local thrift store and buy a few pairs of pants that fit all comfy!! Being skinny just isn't worth all the effort and sacrifice- at least not to me right now! I would much rather play with my kids than head to the gym for an hour. And I would much rather create happy memories making, and eating chocolate chip cookies! So, I consider my little muffin top a badge of honor- it's there because God has given me 2 amazing kids!!

  5. i saw a commercial where they described a closet as a "candy store" because all her clothes were just SO SWEET to try on. hah.
    what's with the pre-pregnancy weight but not shape? where DOES it come from?