Friday, February 17, 2012

No Man's Land

I am in post-partum no man's land.

It is a perilous time, defined by the following criteria:
  • one's maternity jeans are entirely too large to wear anymore, yet pre-pregnancy jeans, while technically fitting, produce an unseemly muffin top (unseemly!)
  • pre-pregnancy weight has been achieved, and yet somehow, through some bizarre suspension of mathematical and physical principals, one is nowhere NEAR one's pre-pregnancy shape
  • dressing one's self in the morning is a treacherous procedure, filled with multiple attempts to wear clothes that one KNOWS are not quite wearable yet, peppered with small bouts of self-loathing, and ending in yet ANOTHER black shirt & jeans combo, as black most effectively conceals the muffin top as well as the inevitable spit-up blotches and leaky milk stains.
Send in a rescue party! I'm stuck in here! There are emotional landmines everywhere! And my Jillian Michael's DVDs don't get here until next week! I'm running out of black tops! And I REFUSE to buy jeans one size up! I fear I would just allow myself to wear them foreverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.


(There is no picture to accompany this post.  OBVIOUSLY.)

5 comments:

  1. Yoga pants. Did you know that Soffe who made our beloved lounging shorts in college makes a fold-over yoga pant? $13.99 at Dick's. The top is especially handy for folding UP as necessary.

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  2. Hang in there Rachel!! I feel like I could have written this post myself. One of life's greatest mysteries truly has to be how can I weigh the same and yet be a COMPLETELY different shape?! You are not alone and I'm super impressed youre already back to your pre-preg weight in just a few short months. Pat yourself on the back lady! you deserve it!!

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  3. You are so funny, seriously I had no idea! I'm sorry to say the muffin top doesn't go away quite so easily the second time.

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  4. You are hilarious!! Go to the local thrift store and buy a few pairs of pants that fit all comfy!! Being skinny just isn't worth all the effort and sacrifice- at least not to me right now! I would much rather play with my kids than head to the gym for an hour. And I would much rather create happy memories making, and eating chocolate chip cookies! So, I consider my little muffin top a badge of honor- it's there because God has given me 2 amazing kids!!

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  5. i saw a commercial where they described a closet as a "candy store" because all her clothes were just SO SWEET to try on. hah.
    what's with the pre-pregnancy weight but not shape? where DOES it come from?

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