Wednesday, February 1, 2012

The Great Outdoors

Spurred on by the lovely springy weather (in January??!) and by a few articles I've read recently that tout the benefits of outdoor play for kids' health and development, I've made it my goal to take my kiddos outside every day.

(I may also have been spurred on by the fact that, HOLY COW our house isn't big enough for all of this energy, and MY GOSH you guys are loud, and SERIOUSLY, stop running, you fall EVERY TIME! But, lets just pretend it was a totally unselfish regard for their well-being, kay?)

In carrying this goal out, I have met with a major dilemma. Oh, whats that? You want to guess? Sure!

Nope, not the newborn baby. She LOVES being in the Moby wrap, and will happily stare, sleep, and even nurse in the thing. Plus, with a hat on her sweet head it keeps her plenty warm, and if it's super cold, I just zip my coat up over her. Tada!

Nope, its not the logistics of getting FOUR toddlers/preschoolers into their shoes, coats, and hats. Although, seriously, an octupus would need more arms to accomplish that task smoothly.  It may take us 20 minutes to get outside, but we can do it.

Nope, its ALSO not that it's just to hard to control the four toddlers/preschools once outside. Our backyard is fenced in, plus, if I may brag on them a bit, they listen very well. When we play in the front yard they understand staying away from the road, and on walks around our (very, very quiet, practically no cars around anyway) neighborhood, they're great at staying close to the stroller, or getting onto the grass quickly when a car does come. No problem there.

Obviously, its not the fact that its January. I've already metioned the springy weather. So what could it possibly be?!?!

You guys, IT'S THE DOG POOP!

It's everywhere!!!!!!!!! I have been SO lazy over the past few months about cleaning up after Sweet Potato. David talks her on a walk in the evenings, but during the day, I just let her out into the backyard to run around, roll in the grass, and do her business.

Well, business has been BOOMING becuause seriously, there are piles EVERYWHERE. What?! I'm busy! I was pregnant! I had a newborn! It's such a gross task! And so easy to ignore! Whatever, clearly I have tons of fantastic excuses, but that's not the point. THE POINT IS, I decided that I had to 'reclaim' the backyard from the dog poop, because we needed to go outside and run around unfettered, gosh darn it!

So, armed with lots of plastic baggies, I set out to canvas the backyard and pick up... oh.. 3 months or so worth of dog poo. (What do you think of me right now? I'm the grossest person you know, right?!?! How could I let this happen???!?!?! Ewwwwwwww.)

Guys, I did a great job. I picked up a TON of poop. BAGS full. I was so proud of me! So, the next day, giddy with my excellent work of 'reclaiming' the yard, I took all the kids in the backyard to play. It was great! We ran around! We kicked balls! We practiced throwing! I tried to teach them freeze tag! Maybe they'll get the 'freezing' part soon! Right now it's more like, 'Run into you as with arms outstretched, and just keep goinggggg tag!'

Then it happened.

I noticed 'something' on Henry's pants. I hoped it was mud. Dear God, I wanted it to be mud so, so, so bad. I prayed for mud!!

It was not mud.

I had missed a pile. A fresh one. Right by one of the lawn chairs. Henry stepped in it. Then climbed up in the lawn chair, smearing it all over. Then, everyone else climbed up in the lawn chair after Henry got down. More smearing. More all over. It was like a slasher film, but instead of blood, poop.

I may or may not have taken stripped multiple articles of clothing off children before even allowing them to enter the house. I may or may not have spent ALL of naptime scrubbing the lawn chair, washing a particularly nasty load of laundry, and scrubbing dog poo off of FIVE PAIRS OF SHOES. FIVE! My own, included! I may or may not have bathed all the children in Purell. (Okay, I didn't do that last one, but all the rest is true!)

I may or may not have said to David that night "This is the most disgusting day of my life!!! That's it! We're NEVER GOING IN THE BACKYARD AGAIN!"

Then he made me a margarita, and I laid on the sofa until I felt better. And I am proud to report that I have continued in my quest to reclaim the backyard, we HAVE gone in outside again, and we have had no more such 'incidents.'

Thank heavens. Because, seriously, I will put up with a lot of crap, but that was WAY to much crap, even for me.

(Also, I know this would be a great place to insert a picture of happy children playing in a poo-free backyard, but I have been on such vigilant poop-surveillance each time we've gone out, that I have neglected to bring the camera out. Picture to come soon!)


  1. Ugh- we have the exact same dilimma= the kids love the backyard but so does the dog and Al works so much he doesn't get to the poo very often (to be honest, I told him I refused to pick it up before we got a dog).... Thankfully as my kids get older, they have gotten better at spotting the poo and avoiding it- maybe the fact that they can't wear their shoes for a month before I can clean them- as something to do with it...

  2. Um, you are one of the funniest writers I know! Keep it up, sistah!