The whole time I was pregnant with Henry, David 'knew' it was a boy. At the twenty week ultrasound he was proved right. There was gloating.
This time, he has been SO SURE that it's a girl. Last week, at the twenty week ultrasound he was proved right, AGAIN.
Okay, lets take a momentary but necessary lapse from the purpose of this post (mocking my husband) to do the obligatory celebrating:
WHEEEE!!! A girl! Pink! Bows! Fluff! I will have so much to teach her in the ways of femininity, snazzy dressing, make-up techniques, and the art of catching a man!! Uhh.. wait... maybe we should appoint one of her aunts to take over those duties... But still! Girl! Yay!
Also, secondary tangent, I know, but humor me: I am now in the market for girl clothes! If you have hand-me downs for baby chicas or know someone who does, let me know. WE ARE NOT PICKY. We are just cheap.
NOW, LET'S GET BACK ON TRACK.
So, after the appointment, in the elevator, I say to David, in a truly shocked and impressed manner "Seriously, how do you do this?!?! How can you be SO SURE and RIGHT both times? I mean, I'm growing this kid, and I can't tell it's gender. So really, tell me how you're doing this? Is it black magic? Let me see your arm. Do you have the dark mark?"
He says, "You know, with Henry, it was mostly luck. I mean, I did think it was a boy, but I totally could have been wrong. But this time, I was sure."
"Yeah, but HOW were you sure?"I pressed.
"Well, this pregnancy has been really different from last time. So, I figured different pregnancy, different gender."
"Wait... different how? I don't really feel like it's been that different."
"Well, a couple things... like you said your skin was breaking out more, and you've been more tired... but mostly, you've been way more emotional this time."
"What? I have not! What do you mean more emotional?!?"
"Oh, I don't mean in a bad way. You've just been really moody."
*** The Great Space of Silence***
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! Did he just tell a pregnant woman TO HER FACE that she is MOODY? And in an ELEVATOR? In a building full of OTHER PREGNANT WOMEN?!? And did he actually try to soften it with, 'not in a BAD way?!?!' Is he crazy?? Are the pregnancy hormones affecting him, too? Does he have a death wish? Does he WANT me to kill him and leave our children fatherless??
Alright, that was fun, but the boring truth is, I actually wasn't mad at all.
I was more impressed that he thinks our marriage is strong enough to withstand such honesty. Or, that he thinks I'm rational and logical enough to receive such information without throwing things at him or having a weepy meltdown. (I think he's on shaky ground with both, but whatever.)
The TRUE humor of this story is that for the past four months I have been silently patting myself on the back for how NOT moody I thought I had been!! I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING YOU! Apparently, this is the level of ignorance I operate at! I have seriously and honestly thought that I had been so LESS emotional, less weepy, less easily offended, more reasonable, etc.
HOW COULD I BE THIS WRONG?!? And, what ELSE am I thinking in my pregnancy-addled brain that is TOTALLY off the mark.
Maybe I should just ask David. Since apparently, he KNOWS EVERYTHING.
However, the silver lining here is twofold: 1) You guys know I totally love David, and actually think its HILARIOUS that he thinks its okay to say this crap to me. Plus, it makes great blog fodder. And, 2) Now I know I can always rely on him to foretell the gender of our children. However, I WILL NOT be asking him how he knows anymore. Can you imagine what he might say the next time?!?
"Well, I was pretty sure, because this time your butt has gotten GINORMOUS, and it looked exactly like that the last time it was a girl, so..."