How to Enjoy Your Food
by Henry David
Take big bites. The more you can fit in your mouth at once, the better it will taste. In fact, if you can shove so much in there that you choke on it a little, that's even better! Your mom might look a little worried- just ignore her.
If you see other food in the kitchen that looks good to you, don't be afraid to say something! Point, squeal, screech! Whatever you do, don't give up, until you've gotten a bite or sip of what you want! Who cares if it's wine! Who cares if it's your mom's special secret stash of dark chocolate and reduced fat Wheat Thins! It doesn't even matter if you HATE it!
The point is, and listen carefully to this: If you see it, YOU MUST TRY TO EAT IT!
Take the time to smear your food on every available surface. This will really bring out the flavors, and enhance your overall dining experience.
Now, don't limit yourself to the obvious- face, hands, bib, high chair tray, those are all fine, but a little passe. I really encourage you to consider some of these more unexpected options:
the dog's head as she passes by
the cat's tail as she passes by
reach behind you, smear food on the chair back and door
reach over your tray, pull off your socks, and smear it in your toes
if your Mom's attention lapses for the teeniest tiniest second, smear it in her hair! on her clothes! yes, yes, YES!!
Also, the best way to communicate that you are finished is to begin tossing food onto the floor. This will round out your meal and assist with digestion.
Happy Eating, Friends!